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NEW WEB RING FOR TRANSLATION RELATED WEB SITES

Isn't it wonderful to have a sense of belonging, to be part of a group of people who have the same interests. We get to know each other, exchange tips on our business and sometime give work to each other.

I have been in such a ring for 2 years. Unfortunately, the "Translators on the Web" ring is frozen. Nobody can join and it is limited to about 60 web sites. It would be in the best interest of these web sites to join a growing ring. Including myself. So I decided to replace it with the "Translation on the Web" ring having the same type of presentation but a different logo. I started it last week and there are already 21 sites in the ring (and more in queue awaiting approval).

Use it to discover which translator has his/her web site, to explore the sites offering aids to translation, translation software and/or dictionaries. If you are an agency, it is a good source to find the translators who have some knowledge in HTML. If you are a free-lance translator you will be happy to belong to the same ring as the translation agencies that may give you work. And it is a fun way for all of us to look at the competition instead of always using the search engines.

I would advise you to try it, it is FREE and you can get out by simply erasing the HTML codes of the ring on your site (one minute!). However, you have to give time to the ring to grow. If it is successful, you will be happy to be part of it.

To join, go to:

http://www.all-languages.com

Click on the flag of your choice

Go to the bottom of the page

And join the ring

You are many translators reading META and maybe you have something to say. Usually you say it to me and then I pass it over (like the salt.... of life) to the others. You can now join a forum in the language of your choice and talk to the others. The only way to be in the forum is to register. Same as above:

To join, go to:

http://www.all-languages.com

Click on the flag of your choice according to the META you are reading (do it 3 times if you read the three).

You will see the forum half way down the page.

Give the details I asked because I want to know who join the forum. It is difficult for me to accept a new member without knowing who he/she is. I just want your full name and of course your email address. It is a minimum to speak publicly. We have to know who you are.

This way, if there is anything that you like or do not like in META, you CAN SAY IT TO ALL, not just to me. I will also be listening and ready to change, delete or add anything for the enjoyment of everybody.

Discussion is also opened on any other subject not appearing in META. BUT PLEASE: NO CHAIN LETTER, NO VIRUS ALERT, NO MARKETING, NO SPAMMING, AND ANYTHING ELSE I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN. Freedom of speech means self-discipline. Some people get very annoyed... In case of doubt, check with me first.

 2. ESSENTIAL FACTS

Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." (umm ok, I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one)

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense... )

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (...a brick?????)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (wonder how they enforce that one??)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (now let's just think for a minute...is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. (the husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (of course!!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (I shudder at the thought)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (...we have to presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law...?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what?)

Envoyée par Marie-Claude (Suisse)

"I'm on my second marriage. You know you let one guy get away, you're gonna have to build a taller fence and put better food out." -Brett Butler

"Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you." - Judy Tenuta

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk." - Jack Handey

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." - David Letterman

"Sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and natural things that money can buy." - Steve Martin

"Last night I went out with some people for Mexican food, which is unusual because I hate people."- Amy Foster

"I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia." - Woody Allen

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure owed me a lot of money." - Jack Handey

"I never made Who's Who, but I'm featured in What's That." - Phyllis Diller

"Whether she is an optimist or a pessimist, a woman always thinks her closet is half empty." - Amy Krouse Rosenthal

"Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas." - Paula Poundstone

"It only rains straight down. God doesn't do windows." - Steven Wright

"You get a little perspective when you pass thirty. I'm beginning to appreciate the value of naps. Naps are wonderful. It's like, what was I fighting all these years?" - Marsha Warfield

"Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Chihuahua looks like a dog that is still far away." - Billiam Coronell

"As Henry VIII said to each of his wives, 'I won't keep you long.'" - Ronald Reagan, in a speech given in Moscow

"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you aren't professional anymore." - Jeff Foxworthy

"Do you feel that excitement of being a woman in the nineties? ... Maybe it's just static cling." - Rhonda "Passion" Hansome

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, I should hope not! If I don't want *you*, why would I want someone *like* you?"- Larry Miller

"I don't remember anybody's name. Why do you think the 'dahling' thing started?" - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"How do you tell a Communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin." - Ronald Reagan

"The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day." - Adlai Stevenson

School Stories

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is? Flowers."

"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is? A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

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Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class, remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

The next day the regular teacher is still sick. When Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks him what her name is.

Johnny thinks hard, and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

"That's right," she coaxed.

Then, after a few seconds Johnny eyes light up and he says, "Is it Mrs. Crunt?"

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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. 

"Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?"  After some thought Jane proudly replied with "Monday." 

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day.  Does anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is your word." 

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables." 

Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" 

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." 

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny.  Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful." 

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."

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First grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess.

Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says "that's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'Box" correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie.

Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant.

"Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week."

The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady's breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed her bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.

"Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven't any milk!"

"Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"

 On contraception

Three women get together for coffee and the topic of conversation turns to contraception.

The first woman says:  "We've used the rhythm method for years. The Holy Father approves of it and its surprisingly effective - it's only ever failed us twice"

The second woman says:  "Holy Father, Shmoly Father. We don't go for all that pious claptrap.  We've always used the pill. It's easy, it doesn't rob us of our pleasure and it's only ever failed us once"

The third woman says:  "We've always used the plate and bucket method. My husband and I met in the army and it was hard to get any private time with each other so we'd usually hide out in a closet somewhere. My husband, being shorter than me, would have to stand on a bucket. When I'd see his eyes get as big and round as plates I'd kick the bucket out from under him. It's never failed us".

 Tomato, Tomoto

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The priest says, "What do you mean, 'almost'?"

The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.

The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The man replied, "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"

- by Erma Bombeck

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television-and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist Nature in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. more "I'm sorry's"

....but

mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Life is too short to let it pass you by. We only have one shot at this and then it's gone.

Sent by Maria Eugenia