META – March 21, 2001
The Spiritual Translator Newsletter
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IN META TODAY
1. HOLIDAYS
2. HEBREW TRANSLATION
3. LET US PLAY WITH WORDS
4. EXTRACTS FROM “THE CYNIC'S DICTIONARY”
5. Donate a mammogram
6. HOLY COW
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1. HOLIDAYS
Well, we are taking a week off to Cuba (March 22
to 29).
As a freelancer, it is always problematic to go
away. We know we are bound to have some small urgent translations which are
going to pop up during the week we are away, and either we have an automatic
response to tell the clients and prospects we are away, or we try to stay in
touch with a free web address (hotmail, apexmail, etc…) hoping that the hotel
where we are going to stay has internet access.
If we have to translate something, do we take our
laptop or can we use a computer in the hotel? Leaving a
laptop in the hotel room is a bit risky and very tempting in countries like
Cuba where people are so poor. In this case, we take a 5 stars hotel with all
facilities and they have a safe for our passports, money and jewels but I do
not think they have space for a laptop.
So we have to make
a choice. We have told our usual clients that we will be away and we have given
them the alternate email address for the week. I am almost certain that the
hotel has access to internet and therefore has one or more computers. I will
have to pay a few dollars for using their computer but it is better than
risking losing my laptop. Any suggestion?
I am sharing this with you because I know that we
all face this question one day or the other.
Let us laugh….
2. HEBREW
TRANSLATION
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel, when they came
upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave, were the following symbols,
in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of
David. Deciding that this was a unique find, as the writings had to be at least
three thousand years old, they chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought
to the museum.
Archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient
symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of deciphering, to discuss the
meaning of the markings. The President of the society stood up and pointed to
the first drawing. He said, "This looks like a woman. We can judge that
this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell
they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, indicating that
they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next
drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they had tools to help
them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which meant
that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would
take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David,
which means they were evidently
Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old man
stood up in the back of the room and yelled, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from
right to left. It says, "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman."
Contribution
Diana Howell (USA)
3.
LET US PLAY WITH WORDS
"If
you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower."- Groucho
Marx
"Oh, my wife can spend money. I mean, who tips at a toll booth? Now she tells me she wants plastic surgery. She got plastic surgery - I cut up her credit cards." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Why
does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been
bombing over the years been complaining?" - George Wallace
"The
word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: 'If
we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and
down.'" - Rita Rudner
"If
I were a fraction, my goal would be world denomination." - Chris Lipe
"My
grandmother is over 80 and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of
the bottle." - Henny Youngman
"I
think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his
pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to be taking off in a few... Whoa, here
we go!'" - Unknown
4. EXTRACTS FROM “THE CYNIC'S DICTIONARY”
AUTHOR: A writer with connections in the publishing
industry.
BOSS: A personal dictator appointed to those of us
fortunate enough to live in free societies.
CHILDHOOD: The rapidly shrinking interval between
infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.
DENIAL: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.
EXPERIENCE: In the working world, something you
can't get unless you've already got it, in which case you probably don't want
any more of it.
FITNESS: Salvation through perspiration.
MARTIAL ARTS: A family of Asiatic self-defense
disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and
legs; amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one's opponent is
armed with a semi-automatic.
NEIGHBORS: The strangers who live next door.
PARASITE: A base creature that extracts a living
from the lives of others, like a tapeworm or a biographer.
QUAGMIRE: Any situation more easily entered into
than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with
an insurance salesman.
VOTING: The right of our citizens to do as they
please behind a curtain, as long as they do it alone.
X-RAY: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing
cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.
Y-CHROMOSOME: A line of genes designed for men only;
the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and
a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.
ZOO: A pleasant and instructive wildlife park,
lately denounced for depriving animals of their right to starve or be eaten
alive in their natural habitats.
5. Donate a mammogram
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
Donate a mammogram
This
only takes a second. All you do is go to the site above, click a button and a
woman gets a free mammogram at no cost to you. It is paid for by corporate
sponsors (who gain advertising in the process because you see their logo.)
You're only allowed one donation so please pass the word.
Contribution Diana
Howell (USA)
6. HOLY COW
And we wonder why have mad cows…
http://www.flingthecow.com