THE FIRST META OF THE XXITH CENTURY

The Spiritual Translator Newsletter

HAPPY NEW CENTURY AND 100 YEARS OF HEALTH AND HARMONY

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IN META TODAY

1. INTERNET SERVICES FOR LINGUISTS

2. QUOTES XXI

3. JOKES

4. ANGER

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1. INTERNET SERVICES FOR LINGUISTS

This was sent to us by Mary Maloof and I think you should all know about it:

 We hope you will not object to this (one) unsolicited email explaining the services offered by our Termwright site, which we believe either to be unique or to offer significant advantages in content or function over what may be available elsewhere. Our special concern is to integrate and target access to the most valuable resources dispersed over the Internet.

We are offering thirty days free access to test our claims for the following services:

**(Y)our Dictionaries.

Search the dictionaries published by Termwright and its members (comprising some 150,000 entries currently). Contains multilingual/bilingual material present nowhere else on the Net and uses a fuzzy search mechanism. Members can publish here too.

**Termsearch Central.

One question gets answers from everywhere.

This interface finds translations and related information using our dictionaries, the biggest public terminology banks and several documentary sources (such as our specialised Internet index and the European Commission's multilingual document index) which can also be used as terminology sources.

**Topicsearch.

Our specialised index of thousands of Web pages directly related to language problems. This index contains sites absent from the conventional search engines, whilst others are indexed in much more depth

than by general engines.

**Topicsearch Central.

One question gets answers from everywhere.

If you can't find anything from here, it probably isn't out there! Search for information using 7 multilingual metasearch engines accessing dozens of sources at once, plus Termwright's specialised Topicsearch,

Google and Alltheweb. In effect, we "metasearch" the metasearchers!

**Directories Central.

Looking for a language professional (translator, interpreter, academic or agency) with special skills or in a specific location? Good as they are, the individual directories on the Web are all limited in their coverage. Our index covers these directories plus thousands of individual home pages from around the World. Members can add their own individual pages if they prefer not to register with one of the directories.

**Events Central.

Looking for an event in the linguistics, translation or related fields anywhere around the World? We index (and monitor) a whole series of language event calendars. Termwright does not attempt to duplicate the calendars which others do as well as we could (or better).Members can add their own calendars (or a Web page on an individual event) to our index.

**MT Central.

Use three free MT systems from a single request, though the results are outside our control!

**Termbank.

Our evolving interactive Termbank. Users can search, add entries and modify or add to existing entries - all directly online.

**Publish.

Publish up to 2 MB of dictionary information (in more or less any Unicode-compatible language) free of charge. Using the space-efficient format of Termwright dictionaries, this represents, typically, some 15,000

relatively detailed bilingual entries. Publish either in our "public" zone (ideal for individual dictionary authors) or in the password-protected area (ideal for businesses and translation agencies wanting to provide controlled access to in-house terminology).

**Forum.

Yes, we know there are plenty of others out there but we have felt it best to include facilities (monitored by our staff, who are computer-literate language professionals themselves and will respond to queries as far as they can) for online debate, questions and answers in relation to our services and the problems of language professionals in general.

Users who decide to remain with us after the free trial will be charged the (very) modest monthly subscription of $8.95.

We thank you for taking the time to read this message and hope you will also find it worthwhile to check out our services online at www.termwright.com.

To take advantage of the free trial, register at www.termwright.com/join.shtml (the key phrase on the registration form is "Today's Charge $0.00").

Yours sincerely

David Wright

Vice-President, Termwright Inc.

2. QUOTES XXI

"Why do we shave? It doesn't seem like a natural activity. There are no examples of shaving in nature. The only creature that comes close is the male South Pacific Groping Beetle, which sometimes, just before mating, will slap on a little Aqua Velva. But we think this resulted from atomic testing."

- Dave Barry

"I don't have anything against geeks. I was one for 11 years. I used to think PC's were the greatest thing since sliced bread ... then someone showed me sliced bread." - Unknown

"Its a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds die they would stay up there and confuse the hunters."

- Steven Wright

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel

"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls."

- Matt Cartmill

"After Mama gave birth to 12 of us kids, we put her up on a pedestal. It was mostly to keep Daddy away from her." - Dolly Parton

"A large, clumsy umbrella is the best protection against the rain: there will be no rain as long as you're lugging it around." - Peter Wasthol

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof." - Rodney Dangerfield

"To figure your cost of living simply take your income and add 10 percent." - Unknown

"Why do men resist putting gas in their cars until the last minute? There's not much left in life for men to gamble about. They can gamble about the gas." - Jessamyn West

"I shall be an autocrat: that's my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me: that's his."

- Catherine the Great (1729-1796)

"One time the police stopped for speeding and said 'Don't you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?' I said, "I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long.'" - Steven Wright

"I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was ... an arctic region covered with ice."

- Steve Martin

"Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them? He said, 'I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide.'"

- Rodney Dangerfield

"More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter

hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly."

- Woody Allen

"It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract." - Alan Shepherd

"I hope I never do anything to bring shame on myself, my family or my other family." - Jack Handey

"A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says 'You've been brought here for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'" - Henry Youngman

"Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the net, it looks like very soon everyone on earth will have 15 Megabytes of fame." - MG Siriam

"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman." - Woody Allen

"We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read."

- Mark Twain

"To my daughter Leonora without whose never failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been completed in half the time." - P.G. Wodehouse

3. JOKES

"A FEW FRIDAY BONUS ONE-LINERS"

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course,

then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there.

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry, because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be, until the looting started.

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and

strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

"Lion Tamers"

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment; chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and  the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's mouth is on the floor.  He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."  He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the way.

"Football Brightness"

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

"Embarrassing Moment"

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now", she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter ...

"Family Disgrace"

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

"But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.

"But, she said, "Grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"

"The Rescue"

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting.

"Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Mulla Nasrudin elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked,"what is your profession?"

"I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man.

"In that case," said Nasrudin, "take my hand!"

The man immediately grasped the Mulla's hand and was hauled to safety. Nasrudin turned to the amazed by-standers and declared,

"Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools!"

"Two weeks in Arizona"

On doctor's orders, Melling had moved to Arizona. Two weeks later, he was dead. His body was shipped back home, where the undertaker prepared it for the services.

Melling's brother came in to make sure everything was taken care of. "Would you like to see the body?" the undertaker asked.

"I might as well take a look at it before the others get here." The undertaker led him into the next room and opened the top half of the casket. He stood back and proudly displayed his work.

"He looks good," the brother said. "Those two weeks in Arizona were just the thing for him."

"Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel."

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said,"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?

4. ANGER

This message is important as we are facing violence all around the world. It is for each of us to look inside us and see what happens when we feel anger coming up to our head, so to speak. Anger is human but must be controlled.

Unfortunately, I've witnessed and heard the horror stories when anger has turned into violence. I don't know the stats, but I do know there are many people who don't understand the severity of anger and its warning signs.

The results of anger let go is known to put loved ones in the hospital, or worse yet, the morgue. The abuser is almost always "sorry" that he or she used anger to get his or her way or "impart understanding." People become fearful when they are faced with anger. No one needs to live with or work in an environment that is hostile.

While anger is a useful and important emotion and must be expressed, many people give into repressed anger and then bad things happen. If you know of anyone who is in an abusive environment, please bring to their attention the local services that can help them. Also be aware that the people enduring volatile environments may feel deserving of this treatment, as if they deserve it. If you think this, think again. No one deserves abuse. No one. No behavior warrants a violent response. There is always another way.

Violence is a behavioral pattern that often takes a great deal of time for the affected person to understand and get stopped. Still, if you feel it is the right thing to do, impress upon the trapped person that the world is not about fear. Life is not about wondering if today will be a good day, or one that may prove fatal. Try. That is all you can do, and when you do, prepare yourself for reactions and actions that don't seem logical.

Fear, the basis of all anger, is an incredibly powerful force if allowed to fester and brew. Anger, for example, may be present in an abusive spouse's violent treatment of the other. One may fear the eventual loss of the partner. The fear is often based in the idea that they may lose the love they hold so valuable. But instead, the spouse lacking self-esteem and confidence may attempt to control the every move of the other. Unfortunately, what we fear we create. This behavior will result in two unhappy people, or worse.

At the same time in this scenario, fears may overtake the abused, causing them to accept treatment they might not otherwise tolerate. If you are in such a situation, or the cause of one, ask yourself if you'd endure what you're feeling if this behavior you're struggling with happened on the first date... If your answer is "No," then perhaps it is time to reevaluate why you are still enduring the environment. There is help. You can and will find it if you look. Sometimes all that is required is to tell how you feel, in the most loving way possible. Many abusers, for example, don't know the terror they cause. It is second nature to them, since that is very often the environment they endured as a child or teen.

The cycle must end by someone taking a new tack on the course to evolution. Evolve and remember that fear is not living. Fear is a form of death. Nothing positive comes from living through the ways of fear. Only through choosing courage at the right moment can one begin to break the cycle of fear and anger. And I remind you the only moment where you posses power is in the moment of now. It is yours to choose which moment of now to make change in your life, whether you are the abused or the abuser.

To accept abuse from another person, by the way, is a form of abuse in itself. To take abuse is to allow the abuser to further pile issues of guilt upon himself or herself. This is good for neither party. Then there are the results left over from others witnessing the abuse . . . such as the children. That, unfortunately, is a story by itself. A story that keeps the whole cycle going, generation after generation.

Speaking of which, please, if you find yourself approached by a child telling you of such things in their life, don't make the mistake that you can deal with the abusive parent or other party. Instead, decide if you will step in and change that child's life through intervention. Choose that carefully though. Or, show that child what being loving really is. Teach the child that there is another way, and that through patience and love, one can overcome any obstacle. Sometimes all that child needs is a hug or someone to listen. Teach the child to "Stop, Look and Listen!" That will go a long way.

Take the time to educate yourself and others about the powerful emotion of anger, and how to deal with it effectively. Go to your local library or bookstore. Pick up a book. Start reading. The shelves are filled with good material on finding balance and dealing with stress and powerful emotions. If circumstances do not allow you the time, open the yellow pages and look under counselors and/or psychologists. There is also your local church or clergy on whom you may depend. In any case, I'm pleading with all of you to take time and understand anger and help others with theirs.

You may have heard me say a time or two, "What is the root of the problem?"

When you find yourself yelling (or feeling like yelling) at your wife, child or co-worker, STOP!

Assess the situation and ask yourself, "What is the root of the problem?" This means looking deep inside of yourself. You may not like what you find or see at first. That's OK. Really, it is. Stop putting band-aides on deep wounds. The band-aide approach is a false way to tell yourself, "You're OK," when you may not at be so fine in the moment. If you are not, and you face some ugly truth about what you're feeling, accept that in yourself. From this place you can grow beyond these feelings, and you can begin to heal. From this place, you can see the truth, and as the old adage goes, "The truth will set you free." Facing the truth and finding the *root* of *any* feelings will always help you understand yourself, and accept yourself.

One final idea taught to me by my pediatrician when my daughter was two:

"When you're faced with someone yelling at you, realize that they're ready to do battle. Don't retreat! Just whisper. Yes, continue to whisper your replies."

The angry person will see your lips move and wonder what you're saying. The angered person will start to match your tonality, matching your calm lead. No one wants to really remain angry. It is not a natural state, though you can't tell that sometimes by watching some of the old crabs in the world... :-)

My daughter is now a bright and lively teenager. She has her times when she expresses her feelings of frustration or anger toward me. In these times, I still use the whisper method. The enriching part is that I've seen her use this same technique when dealing with others in her life. Perhaps her peaceful actions will rub off on others in time as well. That, after all, is the best way to teach - through examples of unconditional love. Open your heart to the freeing ways of unconditional love. All we need to do is "Stop, Look and Listen." Your answers are within. They will become apparent to you.

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